


After all those years

by warabiii_mochii



Category: K-pop, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Changkyun-centric, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, From No.Mercy to years later, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, please don't ask me why i did this to my beloved ship bye, this fandom needs to cherish kiho more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 22:54:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5516294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warabiii_mochii/pseuds/warabiii_mochii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Changkyun losing himself in memories of some good old days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After all those years

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to get out of finals stress by writing something but somehow this is a bit depressing *nervous laugh* This is also inspired by two songs “A man’s first love follows him to the grave” by FT Island and “Youth” by Troye Sivan. Please enjoy <3

When Changkyun was in the second year of highschool, he got his fourth girlfriend and three months after, he saw her walking on the opposite of the street, hand in hand with the captain of their school soccer team which Changkyun was also in. Strangely, he didn’t get bothered by her betrayal, _after all, the world is not going to collapse_ , he thought.  But ever since, he believed love is just a _temporary_ thing, _after all, it’s not good to love only one person in your whole life_.

***

It was the coldest day of the year when K. Will told him to follow the senior to a restaurant in Hongdae and wait in the car till he’s called in. He knew what’s going to happen. The other trainees would probably hate him to the core and of course, none of them would choke him to death when he’s sleeping but he doubted anyone would want to stay close to him. He sighed when he saw K.Will walk out to the car and gesture him to come inside, this is his last chance, they could come at him and he would still the last one to survive.

Until now, he still _remembers_ the way Jooheon daringly watched him and the annoyed look in Minhyuk’s eyes when he bowed to them and sit next to Wonho, but mostly he remembers how his hands trembled in his pockets when Wonho broke the silence among them by saying he came at the worst timing and later when they arrived at their dorm and he was left out, Kihyun walked to him and ordered him to sit with them in the living room. They were the first ones talked to him, with no hate in their voice or anger in their eyes that help Changkyun loose up a bit.

He also remembers _the night_ two days before their mission collaborating with famous Hip-hop artists, everyone stayed up so late and when he finished with Seokwon, he went to visit the two main vocalists. He is a rapper but he absolutely was impressed by their vocal colors and amazing harmony when Seokwon showed him their performance of “Caffeine”. _They must have been training together for so long_ , Changkyun thought and a little hint of jealousy hit the boy as he hadn’t had any real friends since he came to this company but he quickly brushed it off his mind, they were so nice to him, at least he could show his gratitude by bringing them some energy drinks.  Changkyun stood outside the studio room, peaked through the glass window and saw the two hyungs practicing and discussing their parts. There was something in the way Kihyun looked at Wonho while the older was trying singing the new chorus made the rapper want to turn away because he _knew_ this look, it’s the same as the look his older brother gave to his financée when he introduced her to their family but had no idea his soon-to-be wife had slept with his younger brother several times back then in high school. Changkyun held his breath, he never felt any emotional intimacy between these two or someone expressed any kind of attitude towards them either. _Are they secretly dating or this is just a hopeless crush?_ And it didn’t take him long for an answer when Kihyun leaned in and kissed his bandmate on the cheek without knowing his junior is right outside the room.

A light kiss soon turned into a deep one and Changkyun knew what’s the best for him so he walked fast back to their dorm, left the drinks on Wonho’s desk then went to straight to bed. It was too much for him, he turned to the other side and saw Seokwon playing with his phone on his own bed, _what if_ _his team mate knows about Wonho and Kihyun_ , he wanted to ask so badly but a voice in his head was telling him to get a hold of himself since it’s none of his business.

He stayed quiet after that night, he wasn’t sure how to feel about finding out two of his team mates are dating and moreover, the final day was coming so there was no room for curiosity and doubt but he still tried to avert his gaze when Wonho rested his head on Kihyun’s stomach and the latter gently stroked his hair after they finished their dance practice and lay down on the floor. They have that unexplainable aura around them that made Changkyun feel like his stomach is twisting. Even if he avoided it, he still pondered if they love each other or they are just kind of fuck buddies since they are all young, healthy guys burying themselves in practicing all day so well, imagine their sexual frustration.

Changkyun once again didn’t expect to see both Wonho and Kihyun in the company’s gym room the night before their performance day, especially when the shorter male is literally sitting on top of the other who is doing some sit-ups. The young boy’s face got redden and to his surprise, Kihyun calmly stood up and walked past him to the door, he even pat him on his back and told him to get back to the dorm soon to get some sleep before the big day.

_“What do you need?”_

_“Not really, hyung, I was going to get my charger in the studio and saw the light is on there. I didn’t ---“_

_“Please,”_ Wonho cut him off. _“I know what you are thinking so please, don’t tell anyone.”_

A long awkward silence got in between them before Changkyun finally gathered all his courage to ask.

_“Do you love him, hyung?”_

_“I like his smell,”_ Wonho closed his eyes for a second and Changkyun thought this is the first time he saw such an expression on the older’s face. _“and I want to debut with him.”_

_“I don’t understand…”_

_“You don’t have to. Now, you’ve heard him, sleep well.”_

***

The loud ringtone abruptly pulls Changkyun back to reality. Hyungwon’s calling but he declines to answer, he looks through the window and it seems he will be stuck in the traffic for God knows how many hours. He turns on the radio, lets out a small laugh when the VJ is reading a letter from an audience who wants to send a song to her best friends, he thinks it’s really adorable when even today, there are still people sending songs through radio but one minute later he can’t laugh anymore since the song that person requested is their song “Honestly” with the message to her friends saying how much she misses the day they were young and joined in Monsta X fandom.

 

They were _never_ able to make their career as a whole group as long as their sunbaes like Shinee or Beast but they managed to get in top 5 of the most popular idol groups of the 4 th generation after two years and a half promoting nonstop. Their public recognition is at the level where you could stop anyone at their twenties or thirties on the street and ask them about Monsta X, they would tell you all their names and at least three or four of their hit songs.

Wonho and Kihyun were _still_ dating happily at that time, Changkyun remembers their relationship was found out by their manager after eight months into their debut. None of them got expelled because Wonho was the group’s best stan attractor and Kihyun just got regconized for his vocal talent on Best Mask Singer and Infinity Challenge which gained them a hell lot of fans and the public was interested in them. Their digital ranking surged to the highest-ever level and their CEO wasn’t crazy to fire anyone of them, as long as they keep it to themselves and behave appropriately, _no one_ would suspect anything from two male idols being lovey-dovey for fanservices.

Minhyuk was the first one started a relationship with a female idol from different company and she was two years older than him. They didn’t go public and broke up after four months. Then Jooheon and Shownu started dating too and no one complained since their company didn’t ban them from dating as long as they keep their relationship a secret. Unlike his hyungs, Changkyun wasn’t interested, the rapper slowly became a workaholic, he spent even more time at the studio than Jooheon did and started learning composing with Wonho. There was one time while they were in the studio, Wonho said he wanted to compose a song for only Kihyun then jokingly asked if Changkyun wanted to be the only idol in the history never dates during his career.

_“I don’t believe in love, hyung, people are surprisingly fast at changing their heart.”_

_“I_ love _Kihyun. I really_ love _him.”_

Changkyun stayed silent, this was very new to him since he had never talked to Wonho about this topic or his relationship with Kihyun despite the fact that they are close and Wonho is like a father to him. He also never heard from the other confessing his feelings towards Kihyun before so the rapper didn’t know how to respond, but he did believe what Wonho said. Sometimes, Changkyun thought of sweet old couples in movies when he saw Wonho kneel down to massage Kihyun’s feet during their break in practice room, ignored all the tease from Minhyuk and Jooheon and Kihyun’s embarrassment. The other time when their name was called for Disk Daesang at Golden Disk Awards and Kihyun turned to his left to hug Wonho and _gently fix his bow tie_ before they went to the stage which later the photo captured that moment became one of the most searched keywords on Naver.

Changkyun didn’t believe in the kind of love that lasts long and forever, that not only sounds awfully corny but also unbelievable but _if there’s a chance_ , he would like to be invited to Wonho and Kihyun’s wedding, _maybe_ after they retired from the entertainment industry.

 

Not so long after their fourth anniversary, their name went down the drain because of a scandal, fortunately no one drove at the excessive speed and hit a citizen or used crystal meth but one was caught in a club in Gangnam, kissing passionately while grinding a male against the wall and that member is no other than Wonho.

The rapper recalls the night Wonho and Kihyun fought about Wonho’s habit of throwing wet towels on his bed and sometimes on the dirty clothes at the corner of their shared room. Kihyun was nagging as always but Wonho just came home from four hours of recording for Dream Team so he fired back and things got worse, Shownu stepped in and dragged Wonho out but the latter roughly brushed the leader’s hands off from his shoulders and stormed out of their dorm.

The two vocals had been fighting a lot, Changkyun remembered when his brother wanted to divorce, their mother said he should think twice, it takes _more_ than just pure love to live together with your significant other, there are empathy, tolerance and a lot of patience that needed, and the boy told Kihyun all his mother’s words when they were sitting at the balcony one night after Wonho left to the club.

_“Hyung, are you mad at him?”_

_“I’m not but I’m tired, I don’t think I can handle my work and my relationship at once. Sorry, I mean our work.”_

The maknae looked looked deep into his dearest hyung’s eyes and for the first time he noticed _the tiredness_ in him, he had been losing so much weight because of being a fixed cast on Infinity Challenge and preparing for his first solo mini album. Days after days, he only smiled in the public and went straight to the studio after their group activities end, only came home at around 3 AM. Changkyun _always_ waited for him, no matter if Wonho was still awake in their shared room or out to the clubs, he was worried about Kihyun. He was afraid to see Kihyun _fall_ into pieces and sadly, he did.

Wonho came home one morning, reeked of alcohol and Changkyun nervously watched Kihyun approach him but the shorter said nothing, only tried to hold his boyfriend and guided him to their bedroom. Suddenly, Wonho’s phone fell out of his jacket pocket and Changkyun walked over to pick it up. He felt his face heated up and froze in his spot when seeing what’s on the screen and Kihyun already noticed his face changed.

_“What’s that?”_

_“Urgh, hyung, nothing.”_

Changkyun didn’t have time to turn the phone off when Kihyun snatched it from him. The screen was showing a Kakao conversation between Wonho and someone, probably a guy because that guy just sent a photo of him and Wonho in bed, their lower parts were covered by blankets but none of them had a shirt on.

Everything happened so _fast_ with all the _swearing_ and _punching_. Changkyun felt like someone is squeezing his heart when Kihyun _threw a punch_ at his boyfriend while tears were running down his cheeks. Minhyuk called their manager and it took half of the group to hold Wonho down while Changkyun grabbed Kihyun’s hand and led him to his room.

No one slept that night so when their manager got a call from an anonymous number, everyone knew this would hit the news as one of the biggest dirt got exposed this year and no amount of money could buy the silence they need right now, especially when the guy who successfully lured Wonho into his bed turned out to be a reporter of this news outlet which is famous for digging into celebrities’ personal lives.

All their schedules were cancelled, their company had paid a huge amount of cash in exchange of 24 hours to sort out everything and an exclusive interview which the sexual encounter part will never be mentioned.

 _A moment_ can turn one’s life upside down, Changkyun thought, he woke up in the morning afterwards, walked into their living room and Wonho was there with their manager, practicing his answers and how to dodge direct questions from journalists because their company managed to compromise with that news outlet that Wonho will still give them an exclusive interview _but only_ _after he came out to the public._

There isn't much to say when thinking back about those painful days now, Changkyun remembered a number of fans left, no one was allowed to walk out on the street without agency staffs, their name and Wonho became the hottest topic on all social networking sites and it became _normal_ for them to turn on the TV and see Wonho’s scandalous photo on the morning news. It wasn’t like there had been no celebrity coming out ever but Wonho is an _idol_ , an idol that is still active and at the height of his fame so no one would miss a chance to voice out their opinions, regardless it’s just full of homophobic crap or genuinely supporting.

Fairly, it was a completely disaster but their group also earned some significant  _benefits_. The following weeks after the scandal broke out, they got invited to radio and other talk shows a lot, Jooheon released a single, clearly dissed all the haters cursing them for accepting a _“disgusting fag”_ and the unfairness in the idol industry which hit no.1 on several digital charts and remained its place for a long time. Meanwhile, Wonho stayed off for reflection upon his _“unthoughtful behavior”_ in a few months.

Changkyun silently watched everything fall apart, _honestly_ , the scandal didn’t affect him that much except he had to _watch_ Kihyun live through every day like he’s in hell. He broke up with Wonho and talked less, even with Changkyun and the maknae couldn’t do anything about it. They moved into a new place and the vocal chose to live with Changkyun and Hyungwon on the upstair apartment while the rest live two floors beneath with their manager.

Wonho didn’t go up to their apartment ever.

 

Kihyun _left_ , three days after New Year’s day and four months after the scandal. Fandom chaos happened once again and news all over the place saying this is the end of Monsta X when the most talented vocal of the group left and starting to call Kihyun _“the second K.Will”_ as he still stayed as solo singer under Starship management.

Changkyun never saw Wonho ever touch a drink after Kihyun left. The maknae found him in the restroom of the hair salon, where they always come here for make-over before going on stage, totally an ugly crying mess because a few minutes before they watched TV at the waiting room and it showed Kihyun at the press talking about his first solo album.

_“You miss him?”_

_“It doesn’t matter, Changkyun,”_ Wonho tried to speak through the sobs. _“he hates me now.”_

Changkyun wondered if he should tell Wonho that he was wrong, the other vocal _still_ called Changkyun every two days and asked about his ex-boyfriend but even though Kihyun didn’t tell Changkyun not to say anything, he knew he better not. And a part of him also _chose not to_ because he still couldn’t bring himself to forgive Wonho for making Kihyun leave like that. He sighed and simply told Wonho to get himself together because their next schedule is only in 20 minutes.

They worked as six quite well, Wonho was always a good vocal, not on par with Kihyun but no one can bring him down for his vocal technique, also Hyungwon along with Minhyuk have improved through years. Deep inside everyone, they _knew_ they could _only come this far_ and things will be just fine if they keep their popularity like now while doing as many invidiual activities as possible.

Changkyun received an e-mail from Kihyun in an early morning in March, saying he had landed safely in America and sorry he was so selfish he couldn’t inform everyone but he hoped the maknae would _understand_ . The rapper cried when he reached to the last sentences: _“My love for him has become something so unhealthy. They say time heals but I think time also kills. It’s killing me. We lost all chances we had to stay in the other's life, all I have now are the beautiful moments I wish I could remember forever.”_

 _Absence makes_ _the_ _heart grow fonder_ , Changkyun read somewhere before and he understood that’s for long distance relationship but he still held a small hope that one day Kihyun will come back, if not for his love then for Monsta X, for his dongsaengs.

***

The radio is still on, another request now is being read and Changkyun feels like it was just yesterday when seven of them were guests on Sukira and made fun of Hyungwon’s weird sleeping habits and Shownu’s robot dance. He has _always missed_ his groupmates, once in a while the maknae thought what if he had chosen another path but still, until now, he regrets nothing.

 

Their six-year contract expired after their third Asian Tour and no one said a word at the party when Wonho said he _would not_ continue to sign with Starship, he would move to America instead. Shownu pat him on his back and give him a shot, the leader was never a talkative person so his smile and gestures speak more than anything. Later, a sloppy drunk Minhyuk threw himself to Wonho while babbling _“Hyung, go, go now, bring him home…us too...”_ and it hit Changkyun really hard, realizing all of them had missed Kihyun so much but they didn’t want to put any pressure on Wonho. Months and years after what the group had been through, they all _expected_ this day to come, _looked for_ any sign from Wonho if the second oldest would want to find Kihyun. That was why they weren’t surprised at all.

***

Changkyun didn’t know how long it took for Wonho to find Kihyun.

America is so _large_.

Finding a person among hundreds of millions of people in that immense spacious continent must have been impossible, as if looking for a needle in a haystack but Wonho _found_ him and Changkyun thinks he’s lucky enough to see such two normal hearts overcome all the ups and downs to win the final chance to stay together.

The road is finally less crowded and Changkyun accelerates his car, he doesn’t want to be late for the _happy ending_. Right. Happy ending is _always_ a good thing.

Not like everyone knows what really happened before one can reach his own happy ending but isn’t it easier to be happy for a wedding in May? _After all_ , a cherished, fresh start in mid-May is _always_ a good thing.

Changkyun has no idea what he’s going to wish for his hyungs in their happiest day. It has been years and all he wanted is to hug his beloved hyungs again. He remembers he argued with Jooheon in an hour over the gift for the couple when Shownu and Minhyuk gathered all of them at their restaurant. Hyungwon yelled at him for being so picky while he was being super busy preparing for the decoration of the wedding so he _pouted_ , the thirty-one year old maknae pouted and caused everyone laugh, like the day they pulled a hidden camera prank on his 23rd birthday.

***

Changkyun is now seeing his two dearest hyungs holding hands in front of them. The look in their eyes are still the same, like when they were in their twenties and suddenly Changkyun thinks all the wishes he thought of could be thrown away. He _simply_ just wants to see them hold hands, walk side by side so beautifully, so gracefully like now.

_“Forever seems so unreal so please, say you love me in this moment…”_

Changkyun feels his heart just skipped a beat when music starts playing and he realizes Wonho’s voice, now the maknae knows his hyung has finished the song he wanted to write for his only one love eleven years ago.

 


End file.
